Thursday, January 21, 2010

Things that Make Life Sweet

Recently I became a mom. This event in itself is terrifying but as I live each day I am learning that it's a journey. Since my induction into motherhood my life has formed somewhat of a routine. I am not a person of habit, but I have managed to figure out the formula for good routine forming.

Every morning I wake up to one of two noises. Screaming or faint gibber gabber coming from down the hall. Once I pull it together enough to get up out of bed without severely harming myself I make the trek down the hall in anticipation of what I will find. Some mornings I am greeted with a big smile and a "Hi" from my little guy who is perfectly content playing with his toys in his crib, waiting for his parents to come and get him so he can start his day. Other mornings I find a broken hearted little man whose mother could not scoop him out of his bed fast enough. Then there are times when we are greeted to a poop smeared little guy in a crib land full of poop where he has just been crowned King of Poop town. Thankfully the newly appointed king gets a free trip to Tub Town where the assistant to the King washes him down. No matter what the circumstances are I always get to have that minute where I am the most amazing person in the world.

There is nothing like that feeling. The feeling of being the solution, the answer. When I scoop up my little pooh face or snuggle my darling boy and look into his eyes I know that I am his hope. As scary as parenting is and my lack of knowledge of how to get this kid to 20 without accident death or racking up counselling bills I realize that he is just as terrified, if not more so as his clueless mother.

This world is new, it's unknown. At least I know what to expect when I hear certain noises or see certain people. He is moving through this world completely unaware and surrendering his trust to me as his parent to make the best decisions for him to keep him safe, well, fed, clothed, and entertained. I am it! I am his dependence.

When I think that thought I cry. No greater responsibility could there be in this world and it's mine. I guess maybe it plays into my insecurities. Finally someone wants me, needs me, and no one else will do. Maybe it's just the fact that only I can light up this face in the morning or calm him before he goes to bed. Whatever the reason is for making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I think about it, I like it.

This situation that terrified me once has now made life exciting. It has made me ready for the next day. Sometimes the most scary of situations make life worth it. It gives it substance. It makes it sweet. My little boy makes life sweeter!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Thoughts on Haiti

Last week a devastating earthquake shook the country of Haiti into ruins. Many watch the news reports and can not even imagine the pain and desperation of these people. Watching the reports and receiving the email up-dates makes me anxious. I don't know what these people are feeling or thinking. I have never had such a tragedy occur in my life but I can feel the distant pangs of pain running through my body from this disaster. These people are my friends.

Since 2007 I have been to Haiti twice. My visits have been few and far between but the relationships I developed in my short time there have impressed upon me for a lifetime. The precious faces of these people flash before my eyes on a regular basis and I can hear their voices. Suddenly my senses have been altered and it changes their voices from ones of promise and excitement into agonizing, disbelieving, terror-filled, fearful and great uncertainty. It scares me. I do not know how to process it. A country that was so impoverished. Desperate on a good day, and now the chance for hope seems so distant.

A friend of mine, known as Pastor Osnel St Cyr lost everything. He lost his family, his home, his life's projects, his passions, and in our terms, his will to live. Everything that his life appeared to be based upon is now lying in piles of rubble. Lifeless and broken, a life's work demolished. All that he has to live for is his surviving daughter and the people of his country. When this man should be in consolable, broken and wailing for his wife and two children, he is searching for food, water and shelter for the people who depend on him as their leader. This is unknown to us.

I wait for the updates to find out what happens and every time I read them it seems worse. It seems hopeless and yet knowing that during it all these people who are living in make shift tents, unsure of where their loved ones are, not sure of how much longer they will live without food and water they are praising the God that some blame for this happening.

All I can do sitting here at my computer is pray. Pray and make everyone I know aware of what is happening.
Be there...
Explanations are not needed, you are God.
Help them, save them...
Your will God.