Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Death of a Dream

A dear friend died.

Someone I met when I was just a child. We experienced life and grew old together.

My friend was my life. I aspired to experience every part of my friend but never had the opportunity to.

My heart aches. The sharp, penetrating pain surges through my body.

I feel dead. Brokenness. It all seems so hopeless.

My tears fall unexpectedly. Never did I believe that I would see this day. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was told this would not be the way.

I prayed. I hoped. I wished.

Where did I go wrong?

Everything seems surreal. I can't place one foot in front of the other. I can't move. My body is frozen.

No one ever prepared me for this.

I look around and everyone is thriving. They laugh, they move. I stand still.

I cover my eyes. My friend was always beside me. This is the first moment that we will not walk side by side.

I make my way toward my friend. This is the end.

Death.

Once so alive now my friend is nothing but ash. Uncontrollably I dig.

Could it be a joke? Is this a nightmare? It can't be true.

No one is pinching me. Everyone carries on.

I have searched the ash. It's true. My friend is gone.

As they lower my friend into the ground I cry. This is truly the end. I have to say goodbye. I want goodbye to be OK but I can't bring myself to wave.

My place is in that box beside my friend. Never have I existed with out my friend.

What will I do?

I want to look forward and find a new friend. I want to search for someone who will give me the hope my old friend did.

I desire to be free from the pain. I want to escape so I can stop stinking.

I try to walk away. I move forward but I look over my shoulder. Mourning is real.

Goodbye dream.

LJ

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