Friday, April 23, 2010
Growing Up One Hair Cut at a Time
Yesterday I had a stay at home day. I love them. They don't happen often so I treasure my moments washing dishes, doing laundry, chasing my little boy around the house and making cheese sandwiches.
I am always reminded of my purpose for life on those days.
As our day progressed my son was showing signs of a cold. He had a sniffle, he sounded slightly like Barry White when he would speak and all he really wanted to do was hang off of my leg. I didn't mind his clinging on to me but it was definitely holding up the process in the laundry department.
Thinking I was being a great mom, I decided to put the Ti-man in the bath tub. He loves the bath. He wanders around the house and usually ends up in the bathroom, patting the side of the tub saying "tub, tub?"
I strive to be the cool mom. Something within me desires greatly to be accepted so I guess I am getting the jump on it with Ti-James. I poured him a nice warm bath and put him in.
This is where things started into a downward spiral.
As he played and we chatted I noticed his bangs were so long they were down in his eyes. I went to the closet, pulled out my scissors and started trimming his hair.
If you have ever met my son you know "stillness" is not a concept he gets.
I trimmed and straightened. Clipped a little more. Then I decided the side of his hair was a bit wispy and long, curling into his ears.
Snip and trim. Clip clip. A little more. A little more.
When I was all done with his trim my 13 month old had a trailer park mullet. Being a caring mother, fearing for my son's self esteem I decided it was time for Ti's first ever hair cut.
With Veggietales playing in the background I snipped and cut until all his little curls were gone. My long haired hippie quickly transformed into a clean cut business executive. You know the type that gets paid way too much but still gets their hair cut at First Choice or something of the sorts.
My baby is now a boy.
Can I say regret is my emotion right now? Being honest it really is. It's just hair and that was my defence statement to my husband but still I feel like I have cut away his innocence one crocked snip at a time.
It really has nothing to do with the hair. It will grow back. It has to do with the fact that my boy is 13 months and that time will never come back. I got one shot at those months and now they are behind me.
How I hate that they are behind me.
I love who he is becoming. I miss who he was. Helpless, snuggly, unable to walk.
Who knew a hair cut would be a turning point in my child's life.
When all the cutting was done I put the Ti-man down for his nap. The house was completely silent. I wandered around picking up little brownish-blond curls and putting them in a bag. For what, I don't know I just to have them I guess. I can't bare to let them go yet.
I have to remind myself he is going to grow up, that is what they do. But just as I picked up those pieces of hair and put them in a bag for safe keeping, I can also cherish the memories we have made in my heart and have them for ever without fear of loss or decay.
My little boy will always be my little boy in my heart.