Wednesday, April 28, 2010
This Blog Post is About Marriage
When I was little it was a fairy tale. Now, it's my reality.
When I was young finding prince charming was my dream. One of my many.
Cinderella did it. Belle found her beast and Ariel got a set of legs just so she could be with her man. Inside the pages of my favourite fairy tale books marriage was such a magical thing. It was the pinnacle of life. The reason we live.
Before anyone gets uncomfortable or a little bit freaked about where I am heading with this I would like to write a disclaimer. This disclaimer is advising you the reader, that I am in no way announcing that my marriage is horrid, that it is ending or that I aspire for it to end. I am being honest about what marriage is. End of disclaimer.
I remember the day I met MR.FORDE. It was at Joy Bible Camp. I wasn't a camper, I wasn't a staffer, I was the shy, unsure of herself, willing to work, not willing to socialize as much, outsider. The bookstore girl. No one really knew my name, my fault not theirs. I hid out behind the 4 walls that created the bookstore and that was my summer.
One day this gorgeous boy walked into my store. It wasn't bells and whistles, an alarm didn't sound, the world around us didn't get blurry like in the movies, he was just another person walking through my door.
After that summer I didn't see much of MR.FORDE. I assumed he headed back to the city, went back to his job, his gorgeous girlfriend and any conversation that we had that summer was a stale memory.
Boy was I wrong. September 2007 I become MRS.FORDE. Apparently those conversations had meaning, maybe the world did go a bit blurry, I just missed it.
Finally on that beautiful fall day, my moment. I got to marry my prince charming. He didn't ride in on a horse, but I did. He didn't save me from the fiery dragon, or the wicked witch, but he saved me from myself.
Almost 3 years in and life is pretty good. By no means is it perfect. There are days when my shining knight turns into the messy monster, the sparkle and dazzle of love is diminished by the stack of dishes on the counter and instead of getting lost in his embrace I would rather he got lost.
Going through the fantasy of dating this day never comes. How could I not want to spend every moment I am awake with him. Life was empty if I hadn't checked in that hour to see what he was doing. If I didn't get to see him for 24 hours it felt like time stood still. Life had no meaning.
Reality check. Rings are on. Things change. Life becomes a factor.
It startles me when I let life register and I think about my week or last few days with husband. It's bad when I realize we haven't had a real conversation all week. When I think back and it's probably, maybe, possibly been 3 days since we kissed and it gave me goosebumps (not just the "see ya" peck on the way out the door). It's really scary when I can't remember the last time we held hands just because.
I didn't read that version of Cinderella. I guess the story ends before we see how Cinderelly and Prince Charming live out forever.
Do they make it?
I haven't seen their divorce trial covered in "This Week in Court" so I think it's safe to assume they did. I wonder is life as happily ever after as they thought it would be when they rolled away in their carriage? Do birds sing? Are there still random deer walking through their kitchen? Are the mice still making dresses?
It would be grand if life was one long date. If the butterflies in my stomach set up permanent residence. If their was always angst and anticipation of that next kiss, that next touch. As exciting as that would be I don't think that is the way it's supposed to be.
I somehow think that the dull moments in marriage are the stepping stones to make the romantic times better. Sometimes the old butterflies have to die so that new ones can come in, bigger and better. They have more flutter to their wings.
We can't always be anticipating the next move, we have to let go of that wonder and just be. Comfort sets in and as boring as it is it's also kind of beautiful.
Our hands maybe don't naturally fall into each others as we walk down the street anymore but it's always nice when I wake up and somehow I ended up in his embrace.
Marriage is one of those things in life I don't think we will ever understand. There isn't a formula. What works for me probably doesn't for you. It's happy, it's sad, it's frustrating, it's amazing. One day I feel like we are just friends, others I can't live without him.
It appears that once the honeymoon ends it would just be easier to hold a membership to the pool. At least I understand the pool. It's square, it's full of water and you get in. It's predictable, it's constant and it never really changes. If only marriage was that way.
Marriage is hard. It takes work. It's about growth, change, honesty, and becoming who we were created to be. It's a commitment that sometimes feels impossible and others unstoppable.
Marriage - Life's hardest commitment or life's biggest adventure, depends on how you look at it.