Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Most Beautiful Moment of Motherhood

To date motherhood has been no less than an adventure. I have fallen in love with this little being. I have been at my wits end ready to move to another country so I didn't have to see him ever again and I have been in my glory as I have listened to his babble. None of those experiences have been as momentous as the moment of all moments that happened the other night.

Singing is a passion for me. I might not be the best but I don't care. I take joy in my gift and use it more personally than I do in any public forum. One thing that excited me about being a mother was that I would get to sing to my little ones. I remember my mom singing to me. Even though the music was not that pleasant the heart behind her song was beautiful.

I can picture myself lying in bed at night when I was pregnant, reading books and showing the pictures to my belly. I would sing little songs to calm the babe down as he rolled and kicked from the depths of my womb. My songs worked. After a few bars the boy in my belly would stop everything.

When Ti-James was first born I remember being alone with just him in the hospital room. I held my little alien lump and joy overflowed my heart. I remember looking at him and saying "Hi Ti-James. I'm your mommy." Then the words and melodies flowed from my mouth.

When we brought him home I spent hours in the rocking chair singing songs over and over and over again. After a few hours you run out of fresh material. The one song that calmed him instantly was Todd Agnew's "Grace Like Rain". I started singing it in hopes that God would grant me the grace to be able to handle this new and really trying responsibility, but in the end God handed his grace to Ti-James and then extended to me.

The other night Ti-James was not a happy soul. I felt like I had tried everything to make him be pleasant. I knew my boy was sleepy but I wouldn't allow him to go to sleep at 5pm for good. I played with him, I fed him, I put his movie on. Nothing worked. Finally I got the brain wave to put him in the tub. Ti-James loves the tub. Instantly he was happy. He played and laughed. It was the best. As we had our bath I thought it would be the perfect time to cut those little daggers that nobody warns you about before you have kids. Those things can remove flesh in one slick motion. Of course as I started trimming his nails I just undid all the happiness I had worked so hard to achieve.

Not backing down I finished up the job. He wasn't happy but I really didn't care. My little boy then proceeded to make me feel like the best mother in the world. He climbed up on my chest and cuddled in. He's not normally a cuddly kid. He snuggled in and still crying quite emphatically just nestled into me. I immediately broke into song.

Grace like rain falls down on me
All my sins are washed away
Grace like rain falls down on me
All my sins are washed away
They're washed away"

My angry, tense, over-tired little guy peered up at me with his big blue eyes. He looked so innocent. If I close my eyes I can still see him peeking. As I continued to sing the song those big eyes began to close. I rocked and sang until those eyes locked shut.

I felt like the best mom in the world. I had made things OK. My son came to me and I was able to fix it. That is a feeling that I long for, to be needed. The other night my son didn't really know what he needed but he knew that it involved me.

Long after he was asleep I wrapped him in a towel and just kept singing. I wasn't going to let the beauty of the moment pass me by before it was over.

I love you Ti!



Melissa Jenkins said...

Simply beautful!

laura lye said...

So precious Leah! Isn't it amazing how kids can be miserable, whiney, and bratty all day, and one simple, cute little moment can erase all the bad and replace it joy and pure love for your children. I am so thankful for moments like that!