Sunday, May 30, 2010

This Blog Post Is About Surrender

What should be isn't always. That's a tough pill to swallow.

I remember many times thinking about my future and what it would be. I placed all my hope in it. Dreaming of things that would manifest over time and how it all would come to be. Now that I sit here however many years later I have learned a lesson from dreaming. The future is hopeless. There is no guarantee that what I think the future should be, will be.

The other day I was snooping through some pictures on Facebook. A woman's profile, I remember her from high school but since have lost touch with her life. I see she had a child not long after she graduated. I remember her and her boyfriend. They were the picture perfection of adolescent romance. There was so much hope for them. I imagine they dreamed of forever. Marriage, children, growing old. Now from what I could tell it's just her and her child. Probably not the vision she had cast for her life.

I think we have been disillusioned to believe that we have the power to create our life journey. And to some extent we do. We can create dreams, forge paths but in the end we don't always arrive in the destination of our choosing. Sometimes our destinations are what we desired and those desires are honored and other times we are on the opposite end of spectrum scratching our heads wondering how we ever even started down this path.

I can't imagine that people aspire to be poor. I may be mistaken but I don't think people wish loneliness on themselves. No one dreams of rape. Teen pregnancy and abandonment is not an attractive option. Yet people end up on these paths daily.

I have the power to dream. I have the ability to desire and paint mental images of what my life will be. I can't control the influences that are cast upon it by others. I have no way of changing circumstances that don't involve me but impact my life.

No one wakes up anticipating their loved one to be killed. No one is excited to hear that their friend has a deadly disease. We don't wish bad things on ourselves. We dream of the good. The exciting. The fantastical. We don't think about miscarriages, car wrecks, disease, betrayal and other things that are labelled as bad.

I was out with my husband the other night. Across the room I spotted a woman that I would say I am acquainted with. This woman has betrayal in her past. I doubt that when she was young and dreaming of her wedding she dreamed that she would have two. I doubt if she was told at 17 that she would be caught in a betrayal she would believe it. Not her desire, not the path she pictured for her life. Yet it still happened.

From this perspective the future appears skeletal. All hope is gone. All I see is people wishing on lottery tickets, pursuing popularity and dreaming the impossible dream. It's a sad realization. A revealing one but still morbid.

All that said and probably you are wondering what inspired this. Life is odd. When we are young we believe anything is possible. We live, we dream, we are and nothing is able to change what we want. Somewhere things do change. Life dictates. God enters the picture, and we don't end up in the place we thought best for us. Where we thought we should be, in hindsight isn't where we necessarily want to be.

I used to say I had a 5 year plan. That was a pretty common statement out of my mouth. I have never ever seen year 5. Sometimes I didn't even see year 1. All this to say
I've given up.

Before you read into this, that's not bad.

I have given up control of my life and I am trying to move forward and live what is handed to me. If that mirrors what my vision was/is then how great is that for me? If it doesn't, I stand a little taller, I hold my head up high and I march forward.

Life isn't about the destination. That is just where circumstance, situation and relationships take us. It is what we do with the people, situations, and heartaches that we face along the way. If every broken heart caused us to hide eventually we would die inside and be empty corpses. It's OK to admit that life sucks sometimes. That is an accurate statement. We are presented with circumstances that are painful and hard. How we recover from those and apply them in our life determines the quality of our life.

As I move forward and deal with past hurts and presents hurts and prepare to be side-swiped by some random circumstance I have to trust. There is a season, a reason and a time for everything. That doesn't mean murder is right. That doesn't give the green light for adultery and betrayal. No one can ever say that loosing a loved one is a good feeling or that loosing everything will be alright. It means that in those seasons of life we have to experience complete surrender to a perfect God. God's heart breaks when ours does. He sheds tears for us, he holds our hand when we can't find our balance. He is there. Does he want to see us go through these trails I don't think so. But we have to. That is the course of this world.

The only hope we have in life is in God. Our future can not be built on wishes and dreams that are our own. In those times when we hit road bumps and experience brokenness we have to be able to reach out for God. Alone we will not make it. Our spirits will simply decay.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Be encouraged that this road is one we do not walk alone. In our uncertainty and confusion God is present. We may not see him, his touch may not be known but it can be guaranteed that he is not far. There is a time for everything. Is this the time for you to find surrender?


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