Tuesday, July 13, 2010

16 Months Reflection

Yesterday Ti-James turned 16 months old. I have never really understood the month by month counting of age but hey, I'm in 'cause I love birthdays!

We don't celebrate these milestones but I usually take some time to reflect on the growth and the change of my sweet little Ti-man.

16 months in and I don't know where it has gone. No matter where we have used up that time I am thankful that we have made it this far. I honestly never believed I would be able to care for a child and keep them alive this long. I am so under educated when it comes to parenting, children, babies, diapers, breast feeding, everything motherly.

I remember the moment they laid my new baby on my chest. I waited for tears to flow and that motherly instinct to come. I think I am still waiting. In that moment nothing happened. I actually remember looking at this gooey alien type baby thing that some Dr. I met literally 30 seconds before pulled out of my under business and I just wanted to scream "take it off of me" but I knew better.

Over a year has passed and I still have moments of detached feelings. I still fall into that thinking "who's child is this" but for the most part it has sunk in that he is mine. And honestly I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now he is fun. He can do stuff. He doesn't just puck on himself, drool and sit like a boneless blob. He walks, he runs, he talks, he sings, he enjoys music, he has favourite things. He knows when things smell bad, he knows when he has done something wrong, he feels emotion, he knows how to comfort and express his thoughts and feelings. He is finally human.

I suppose before he was 16 months he would have been categorized as human but now finally, he appears to me as one of us.

Some days I miss the tiny baby who curled up on my chest and slept. I miss the warmth of his tiny baby body on my skin. I miss the small puppy like chirps and squeaks. I miss setting him down in one spot and coming back to find him still there. Although part of me misses those moments that create sweet memories, I don't desire to go back there.

I love my rough, tough, rambunctious boy.

I love watching him run from one end of the house to the other.

I love hearing him singing to himself in the morning. Knowing that he is playing with his toys and entertaining himself.

I love watching his imagination work. I can't wait to hear of the adventures he goes on.

I like my toddler. As much as I miss that snuggly little babe, nothing can replace hearing "love you Momma".

Happy 16th month & 1 day Ti-James.


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