Saturday, December 11, 2010

God's Little Rainbows

At 2:00pm today myself, along with other close friends and family will witness the union of two people madly in love with each other. Supporting them in their commitment to one another.

Beautiful.

I love weddings. I'm one of those freaks who watches wedding shows incessantly. Continually planning my wedding even though I am already married. I always say that I am planning for my vow renewal but who am I kidding I will get a second marriage before I get a vow renewal.

To me there is something magical about a wedding. That is my opinion now. When I was younger and very single I found weddings depressing and somber. I used to wear black, tolerate the hum-drum of the lovey dovey ceremony and pig out on food at the reception then leave before it became obvious I was dateless.

I guess now that I have been shown the magic of love is true and real and it can and did happen to me I have embraced the celebration of love.

The wedding.

Since I got married I feel like every wedding I attend I am stepping back in time to the day I wore my beautiful gown (which now sometimes doubles as a throw blanket) and started the adventure I am on. It makes me think about the first moment I saw him as I peaked the hill on my horse drawn wagon, holding his hand, the first kiss as husband and wife. All of that floods back.

The moment the officiant said "I now prounouce you" it was real. The freedom of capturing our happy moments in photos and knowing that it was only for an instant but our life was forever. Our first dance, looking into his eyes knowing this man was going to cherish me and not harm me. Waking up for the first time as a "Mrs." not as a "Miss".

I think it would be a lot truer and purer of a thought if I was to admit that maybe the dress and the flowers have nothing to do with my love for weddings. The truth lies in the fact that I am comforted by the knowledge that love is still real. That a mostly fairy tale concept in this world is still in existence and as we witness two people making commitments to each other for a life time something sacred happens. We get to see a glimpse of God in one of his finest moments.

To me there is something magical about a nervous face stained with tears bride and a gittery groom, coming before each other in love and total vulnerability to
each other opening themselves up to happiness but also opening up to pain, change and growth. Knowing that a love burns deep within that in the moments of frustration and anger their desire to be together will prevail. Sacrificing themselves as an independent person and dedicating themselves to the team.

Witnessing vows is full of hope. Its believing that when all the glamour and glitz is gone and all doors are shut and eyes turned away the look of longing that was
displayed before friends and family can still be found in each others eyes. Knowing that someone is there to give you strength and couage when you can not muster your own. Belieiving in and being believed in when there is no one else to do it. Having faith that this person will grow into a better person because of your love and the same for you personally. The faith and vulnerable hope that this commitment can never be broken and that you wont ever let that happen.

The knowledge that God made that love possible.

I love scouting out dress styles, invitations, flowers and centerpieces but in the end
it's more than that to me. Weddings are like God's little rainbows to me.

L

Sleep Deprivation

It 4:44am and instead of being wrapped in the arms of Jesus (the term of endearment I have given the most fabulous, plush, soft and warm green blanket) with my eyes tightly shut dreaming about my bikini body or weird unexplainable dreams that make me lay paralyzed praying to God that no part of them come true, I am wide awake.

I've had it explained as a cycle of life, the dreaded lack of sleep we tend to experience as parents. Someone told me it is probably because of the electronic current flowing through our bedroom from the tv, the new energy efficient light bulbs, our electronically programmable heater, cell phones and whatever other gizmos we have that make life more accessible, easier, organized and better allowing us to be the best individual we can be. Or is it God trying to speak to me? I believe that God can and will wake us to speak to us or get our attention. That concept
is real to me. But I must say either God is trying
to show me something through my suffering (a mild case of the Job syndrome)
or he has the tendencies of a teenage couple, waking me just to tell me he loves me. I imagine by now most have curled their noses or felt slight offence cause I just equated God and his love to a teenage romance which might be slightly pretentious or maybe its the sleep in my eyes talking.

Whatever the cause of my mild mannered insomnia I am not a fan. I wish I could figure out the cause so I could find the solution. As beautiful as 4 & 5 are I believe deeply that I would love to experience the thrill of waking up to sunlight.

Please pray I get more sleep.

L